View Full Version : Jokes from Muslim stand-up comic Goffaq Yussef
Tssipa 07-27-2005, 12:35 PM Maybe a sign of peace when we start hearing humor from a Palestinian
perspective...
Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom
the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said, "Occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians"?
It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia ?
Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank ?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel !
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72
virgins.
All I said was, 'I'm dying to get laid!'"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity
ward?
"Live ammunition."
Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
"After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"
Shoshy 07-27-2005, 02:00 PM Maybe a sign of peace when we start hearing humor from a Palestinian
perspective...
Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom
the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said, "Occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians"?
It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia ?
Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank ?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel !
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72
virgins.
All I said was, 'I'm dying to get laid!'"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity
ward?
"Live ammunition."
Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
"After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"
:happy65: :happy65: :happy65: :happy65:
Executive 07-27-2005, 04:25 PM Tssipa, this is soo Ironic. Last night I was reading Jewish jokes that I almost posted here, but procrastinated. So here they go:
Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two Jews found the same penny.
"My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami," reports Sadie
to her friend Sophie. "She goes out to dinner every night at a different
restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends."
"My daughter's a whore too."
Why do Jewish girls think prostitution is such good business?
"Ya got it, ya sell it, ya still got it!"
First Jew: "Do you like pussy cats?"
Second Jew: "Yes, I do, but Pussy Cohen is okay too!"
Who are the three most dangerous people in the world?
A Jew with money, a Puerto Rican with
a knife, and a Polack with brains.
Do you know how to keep Jews out of the country club?
Let one in, and he'll keep the rest out.
Why is money green?
Because the Jews pick it before it's ripe.
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
Somebody dropped a quarter.
Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.
What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.
What's the definition of a queer Jew?
Someone who likes girls more than money.
How do you stop a Jewish girl from f___g you?
Marry her.
What's the difference between a JAP and poverty?
Poverty sucks.
How did they know ***** was Jewish?
Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his
father's business, his mother thought he was God -- and he
thought his mother was a virgin.
Did you hear that the limbo was invented by the Jews?
Yeah, from sneaking into pay toilets.
How do you say "f__k you" in Jewish?
Trust me.
Define Jewish foreplay.
Two hours of begging.
Did you hear about the alligators in Florida
with little Jews on their tee-shirts?
What do you get when you cross a Jew and a Gypsy?
A chain of empty stores.
Why are synogoges round?
So the jewish people have nowhere to run when they pass out
the collection plate.
Did you here about the Jewish - Japanese restarant?
Its called So sume.
When does the Jewish male fetus become a person (according to religious custom)?
When it graduates from Law school.
What did the JEWISH Santa say during Christmas?
Anybody want to BUY any presents.....
How can you tell the Jewish mother-in-law at a wedding?
She's the one on her hands and knees picking up the rice.
Tssipa 07-27-2005, 04:38 PM "My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami," reports Sadie
to her friend Sophie. "She goes out to dinner every night at a different
restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends."
"My daughter's a whore too."
Do you know how to keep Jews out of the country club?
Let one in, and he'll keep the rest out. (<-THIS ONE IS SOOO TRUE)
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
Somebody dropped a quarter.
How did they know ***** was Jewish?
Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his
father's business, his mother thought he was God -- and he
thought his mother was a virgin.
How do you say "f__k you" in Jewish?
Trust me.
Define Jewish foreplay.
Two hours of begging.
When does the Jewish male fetus become a person (according to religious custom)?
When it graduates from Law school.
How can you tell the Jewish mother-in-law at a wedding?
She's the one on her hands and knees picking up the rice.
LOL these are hilarious
goldenmalach 07-27-2005, 07:04 PM Maybe a sign of peace when we start hearing humor from a Palestinian
perspective...
Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom
the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said, "Occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians"?
It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia ?
Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank ?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel !
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72
virgins.
All I said was, 'I'm dying to get laid!'"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity
ward?
"Live ammunition."
Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
"After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"
Brimgs more hatred towards the palestinians.
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