What do you guys think...should men and women be separated at a wedding, bar mitzvahs, etc?
if yes then why?
if no then why?

il start first, in my opinion non-separate weddings are the way to go. i actualy have a lil story. this happened on my cousins wedding. my cousin's parents didnt want a separate wedding and it was settled, but right after huppah then men took the groom n the women took the kalah n it started as a separate wedding. there were act 3 circles. men, women, n right in the middle it was me dancing wit my mom n sis and some other cousins...out of nowhere this guy from the men's circle grabs me by the hand n starts pulling me. i was bout to hit the guy seriously but i didnt i just told me to bak off lol after that my uncle somehow made the wedding together. so i've never actualy was a part of a separate wedding except as a waiter.

if anyone has been to both then i would like to know wats better and why?

if the bride and groom desire to have a separate wedding according to halacha, then y cant u put ur own desire aside for a few hours and fulfill their wishes. after all, the night is about them, not about u or wat anyone else there wants.

if the bride and groom desire to have a separate wedding according to halacha, then y cant u put ur own desire aside for a few hours and fulfill their wishes. after all, the night is about them, not about u or wat anyone else there wants.

I Agree with you, no etu svad'bu delaut im ih roditeli, nado nemnogo schitatsya s roditelyami. Roditeli tozhe imeut pravo skazat' what they want.
Wedding is for the parents mostly, and then after that couple can do whatever and however they wish. Mozhet ya ne prav....
Ne nado silno zatsiklivatsya on weddings, because most important thing is how they will live after the wedding.

I Agree with you, no etu svad'bu delaut im ih roditeli, nado nemnogo schitatsya s roditelyami. Roditeli tozhe imeut pravo skazat' what they want.
Wedding is for the parents mostly, and then after that couple can do whatever and however they wish. Mozhet ya ne prav....
Ne nado silno zatsiklivatsya on weddings, because most important thing is how they will live after the wedding.


the way the wedding night is has a big significance to the way their future together will be.

I Agree with you, no etu svad'bu delaut im ih roditeli, nado nemnogo schitatsya s roditelyami. Roditeli tozhe imeut pravo skazat' what they want.
Wedding is for the parents mostly, and then after that couple can do whatever and however they wish. Mozhet ya ne prav....
Ne nado silno zatsiklivatsya on weddings, because most important thing is how they will live after the wedding.
I would agree with the Oceanofmemories, it is up to the couple to decide. Parents should be proud of whatever decision their children will make. I hate it when parents don't let their children to make their own decision or do not like their opinions. This just destroys the child's confidence and the ability to be an independent individual. Thank G-d both of my parents always, and I mean always trusted my opinion and let me do it. Once again, a good parent who has raised his/her kid right will trust and be proud of his/her child's opinion. I have been to both separate and nonseparate weddings. The bukharian sep. weddings are best. The mix weddings I find a bit too wild and reminds of a discoteka instead of a holy day of the couple.
However, the most important is how the couple will live after the wedding.

the way the wedding night is has a big significance to the way their future together will be.

Not always true. I have seen so many great wedding, but in few months couples get devorce. Wedding doesnt impact your future...

I would agree with the Oceanofmemories, it is up to the couple to decide. Parents should be proud of whatever decision their children will make. I hate it when parents don't let their children to make their own decision or do not like their opinions. This just destroys the child's confidence and the ability to be an independent individual. Thank G-d both of my parents always, and I mean always trusted my opinion and let me do it. Once again, a good parent who has raised his/her kid right will trust and be proud of his/her child's opinion. I have been to both separate and nonseparate weddings. The bukharian sep. weddings are best. The mix weddings I find a bit too wild and reminds of a discoteka instead of a holy day of the couple.
However, the most important is how the couple will live after the wedding.

I understand its for couples to decide, but they won't b e alone on the wedding... Nu ya dumau u kazhdogo Abrama svoya programa... Lichno mne ne nravyatsya religeous wedding, been to few, didnt like at all. Razve roditelyam ne hochetsya potansevat' s det'mi, sestram, brat'yam?? A tak poluchaetsya shto eta svad'ba delaetsya tolko dlya ludei a ne sem'i. Svad'ba delaetsya dlya rodnix e blizkix, to celebrate... Most important thing on the wedding its Hupa, a ostalnoe eto vse dlya kaifa.

I dont like seperated weddings, I prefer mixed...

Not always true. I have seen so many great wedding, but in few months couples get devorce. Wedding doesnt impact your future...
The meaning behind the words "the way the wedding night is how their entire life" is that if they have a kosher wedding then they will lead and nice and kosher life, but if they have a non kosher wedding then that wil reflect on thier lives. And the wedding night is the mst holiess day in the brides and grooms life, when they stand under the chuppah Hashem comes down on top of them and cleanses them from thier sins, and then pple go the second later and have a mix wedding, and sinning even more. So they loose alll the holiness.

The meaning behind the words "the way the wedding night is how their entire life" is that if they have a kosher wedding then they will lead and nice and kosher life, but if they have a non kosher wedding then that wil reflect on thier lives. And the wedding night is the mst holiess day in the brides and grooms life, when they stand under the chuppah Hashem comes down on top of them and cleanses them from thier sins, and then pple go the second later and have a mix wedding, and sinning even more. So they loose alll the holiness.

Not true, back home our parents etc all had mixed wedding, so does it make u not kosher? Ur parents lost their holiness? Tebe navernoe mazgi uzhe promili. Its not the way the wedding night, its who u are... Podumai nad etim...

Not true, back home our parents etc all had mixed wedding, so does it make u not kosher? Ur parents lost their holiness? Tebe navernoe mazgi uzhe promili. Its not the way the wedding night, its who u are... Podumai nad etim...
In our parents day and age thier mixed weddings were complety diff from wat we have now. And it's who we are which is effected by that very special night. Which is very special in Hashem's eyes. He comes and stands over the bride and groom at the time of the chupah. Which is the most holiest moments in a persons life.

I understand its for couples to decide, but they won't b e alone on the wedding... Nu ya dumau u kazhdogo Abrama svoya programa... Lichno mne ne nravyatsya religeous wedding, been to few, didnt like at all. Razve roditelyam ne hochetsya potansevat' s det'mi, sestram, brat'yam?? A tak poluchaetsya shto eta svad'ba delaetsya tolko dlya ludei a ne sem'i. Svad'ba delaetsya dlya rodnix e blizkix, to celebrate... Most important thing on the wedding its Hupa, a ostalnoe eto vse dlya kaifa.
On my brother's wedding at the end when e/o left we all (family) danced mixed. :tongue10: You can keep religion and party still :party15:. In ba gunosh nest. :party20:

In our parents day and age thier mixed weddings were complety diff from wat we have now. And it's who we are which is effected by that very special night. Which is very special in Hashem's eyes. He comes and stands over the bride and groom at the time of the chupah. Which is the most holiest moments in a persons life.

I think the only thing has changed is now we have more half naked girls on the wedding ( including bride sometime ) other then this everything is the same, same music, same singers even the same meals :kiss2:

On my brother's wedding at the end when e/o left we all (family) danced mixed. :tongue10: You can keep religion and party still :party15:. In ba gunosh nest. :party20:

Aha, znachit' separated weddings tolko dlya otmazki glaz??

The meaning behind the words "the way the wedding night is how their entire life" is that if they have a kosher wedding then they will lead and nice and kosher life, but if they have a non kosher wedding then that wil reflect on thier lives. And the wedding night is the mst holiess day in the brides and grooms life, when they stand under the chuppah Hashem comes down on top of them and cleanses them from thier sins, and then pple go the second later and have a mix wedding, and sinning even more. So they loose alll the holiness.
I really dont understand how having a mixed wedding is "un-kosher".

Not true, back home our parents etc all had mixed wedding, so does it make u not kosher? Ur parents lost their holiness? Tebe navernoe mazgi uzhe promili. Its not the way the wedding night, its who u are... Podumai nad etim...


A rabbi told me, al pi kabala, that the wedding night does have an effect on ur whole future together. im sure that it doesnt matter who u r. there is a certain effect.

Under the chupa u r cleaned from all ur sins and u have a chance to start ur life all over as a complete neshama, with ur soulmate by ur side. i dont c y anyone would want to destroy their purity (spiritual) for a few hours of fun with mixed dancing (physical). physical pleasure wont last u forever, while the spiritual will.

and i dont feel that other ppls comfortability or enjoyment level should affect ur decision. in the end, u will answer to Hashem, not to those ppl. those ppl will not be there to defend u.

again, its all about the way u look at it. if u think in a negative way, it will be a disaster for u. if u think about it in a positive way, it will be a success. getting there and complaining or going against the wishes of the bride and groom, in my opinion, is selfish. who r u to decide whether they should or shouldn't do wat Hashem wants them to? they r in charge of their own choices and should be respected for that.

i always tell ppl that if they want to sin, thats their choice (sad, but still their choice). if they want to take themselves down, then okay, but they shouldnt take other ppl down with them.

A rabbi told me, al pi kabala, that the wedding night does have an effect on ur whole future together. im sure that it doesnt matter who u r. there is a certain effect.

Under the chupa u r cleaned from all ur sins and u have a chance to start ur life all over as a complete neshama, with ur soulmate by ur side. i dont c y anyone would want to destroy their purity (spiritual) for a few hours of fun with mixed dancing (physical). physical pleasure wont last u forever, while the spiritual will.

and i dont feel that other ppls comfortability or enjoyment level should affect ur decision. in the end, u will answer to Hashem, not to those ppl. those ppl will not be there to defend u.

again, its all about the way u look at it. if u think in a negative way, it will be a disaster for u. if u think about it in a positive way, it will be a success. getting there and complaining or going against the wishes of the bride and groom, in my opinion, is selfish. who r u to decide whether they should or shouldn't do wat Hashem wants them to? they r in charge of their own choices and should be respected for that.

i always tell ppl that if they want to sin, thats their choice (sad, but still their choice). if they want to take themselves down, then okay, but they shouldnt take other ppl down with them.

Usualy on the weddings people come with their wives, how does it make the wedding unpure if couples dancing together?? Unless someone let his wife dance with everyone. Also, this is another oportunity for singles to meet each other ( is this also against G-d's will to meet ur second half? ). U only look at the negative side of this, u need to look at the possitive things as well.
So many rabbis come to weddings to do Hupa and then they stay there for the rest of the wedding. If this would be so unpure and against G-d's will, why would they do Hupa or even stay at that wedding?? tebe tochno mozgi promili....

Usualy on the weddings people come with their wives, how does it make the wedding unpure if couples dancing together?? Unless someone let his wife dance with everyone. Also, this is another oportunity for singles to meet each other ( is this also against G-d's will to meet ur second half? ). U only look at the negative side of this, u need to look at the possitive things as well.
So many rabbis come to weddings to do Hupa and then they stay there for the rest of the wedding. If this would be so unpure and against G-d's will, why would they do Hupa or even stay at that wedding?? tebe tochno mozgi promili....

not everyone comes with their wives. and yes, i hav seen ppls wives dancing with other men. its not tzniut at all. it creates a loose atmosphere.
there r many other ways to meet ur other half....there r proper ways to meet ur other half.
the rabbis who come to do the chupa should not stay and see the men and women dancing together. if they do, then i hav no idea wat they r thinking. they r not allowed. just becuase a rabbi has the title of rabbi doesnt mean that he is very righteous. he should watch himself very much tho becuase Bnei Yisrael look up to him and get turned off from religion when they c them doing something wrong.
and no, nekto minye mazgi nepromil. its just that nobody showed u the beauty of the Torah and the spirituality involved in it.

I really do prefer weddings where everyone is together. However, I have been to separete weddings...feels like a regular party while its supposed to be the occasion which is greatly highlighted. After all, we are uniting!...Lets start mingling!

not everyone comes with their wives. and yes, i hav seen ppls wives dancing with other men. its not tzniut at all. it creates a loose atmosphere.
there r many other ways to meet ur other half....there r proper ways to meet ur other half.
the rabbis who come to do the chupa should not stay and see the men and women dancing together. if they do, then i hav no idea wat they r thinking. they r not allowed. just becuase a rabbi has the title of rabbi doesnt mean that he is very righteous. he should watch himself very much tho becuase Bnei Yisrael look up to him and get turned off from religion when they c them doing something wrong.
and no, nekto minye mazgi nepromil. its just that nobody showed u the beauty of the Torah and the spirituality involved in it.

Eto uzhe problema tex kto razreshaet svoim zhenam tansevat' s kem popalo.

A razve mozhno osuzhdat' postupki drugix?? Razve eto po Tore? Razve tam ne napisano ne osuzhdai nikogo tak kak ti ne bil v ix situatsii e ne imeesh pravo kogo libo osuzhdat'???

Why dont u give me some classes then?

I have been on separate weddings and on mixed weddings. First we need to define, WHAT IS A WEDDING, and WHAT do you DO on the wedding? If it's made for the guests or for a groom and a bride...

My Rabbi said that when you come to a wedding, only EAT and you do not partake in a joy of it, by dancing or even just standing and clapping hands, you are doing an avera. Now, on the wedding night, the groom represents a KING and a bride represents a QUEEN! So what do you do? Do you enjoy yourself? Or you want to bring the joy into the Kings and Queens celebration?

Although I'm comfortable at both wedding, I believe there is more joy in the seperate wedding than in mixed one. Why? Because the concentration goes to the Groom on the men side, and the bride on the girls side. People are there to partake in the joy and entertain the "King" and the "Queen." Furthermore, of course you need the people who KNOWS how to do it right. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to do it...

And yes of course the mixed wedding could be the same thing, but Halaha problems involved. Last of all, I believe this is a great issue. Sometimes you hear a story that a couple didn't get married because one side parents didn't want a mix wedding, and the other side wanted one. And G-d forbid, a person who will cause the couple not to get married due to that issue, will PAY the price, maybe not on this world, but in the world to come for sure. It's an issue of SELFISHNESS.

I've been to both separate and mixed weddings and I prefer a mixed wedding. It just doesn't feel right if I don't see half naked women at a wedding (waste of money) ;)

Of course in my opinion it's only up to the bride and groom what type of wedding is right for them. It's their day after all.

In terms of couples that break up because they couldn't agree on what kind of wedding to have...I wonder if maybe that's a good thing that the wedding never happened. If they can't agree on a simple thing like what kind of wedding to have...mixed or separate, what will they agree on when the issues will be much harder to deal with? In fact I believe we should discuss more controvertial issues before the wedding, this way we can see whether we are compatible or not. Who knows? maybe this will decrease the divorce rate in the bukharian marriages.

I absolutely love traditional bukharian weddings!
The passing along of the 'joma,' the familiar faces, the music, the excitement in the air, the romantic slowdance of the bride and groom,...the unity of it all....
I'm definitely rooting for the traditional wedding...

I have been on separate weddings and on mixed weddings. First we need to define, WHAT IS A WEDDING, and WHAT do you DO on the wedding? If it's made for the guests or for a groom and a bride...

My Rabbi said that when you come to a wedding, only EAT and you do not partake in a joy of it, by dancing or even just standing and clapping hands, you are doing an avera. Now, on the wedding night, the groom represents a KING and a bride represents a QUEEN! So what do you do? Do you enjoy yourself? Or you want to bring the joy into the Kings and Queens celebration?

Although I'm comfortable at both wedding, I believe there is more joy in the seperate wedding than in mixed one. Why? Because the concentration goes to the Groom on the men side, and the bride on the girls side. People are there to partake in the joy and entertain the "King" and the "Queen." Furthermore, of course you need the people who KNOWS how to do it right. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to do it...

And yes of course the mixed wedding could be the same thing, but Halaha problems involved. Last of all, I believe this is a great issue. Sometimes you hear a story that a couple didn't get married because one side parents didn't want a mix wedding, and the other side wanted one. And G-d forbid, a person who will cause the couple not to get married due to that issue, will PAY the price, maybe not on this world, but in the world to come for sure. It's an issue of SELFISHNESS.

Although it should be an issue of COMPROMISE

Aha, znachit' separated weddings tolko dlya otmazki glaz??
Not exactly. You are alowed to dance with your mommy and dady and sister and brother. So gunosh nest as I said. Ti nanih nikogda neposmotresh as a girl you would wish to marry. :tongue10:

Usualy on the weddings people come with their wives, how does it make the wedding unpure if couples dancing together?? Unless someone let his wife dance with everyone. Also, this is another oportunity for singles to meet each other ( is this also against G-d's will to meet ur second half? ). U only look at the negative side of this, u need to look at the possitive things as well.
So many rabbis come to weddings to do Hupa and then they stay there for the rest of the wedding. If this would be so unpure and against G-d's will, why would they do Hupa or even stay at that wedding?? tebe tochno mozgi promili....
I yet have not seen a mix wedding where the rabbi stayed. On religious ones I have seen.

Eto uzhe problema tex kto razreshaet svoim zhenam tansevat' s kem popalo.

A razve mozhno osuzhdat' postupki drugix?? Razve eto po Tore? Razve tam ne napisano ne osuzhdai nikogo tak kak ti ne bil v ix situatsii e ne imeesh pravo kogo libo osuzhdat'???

Why dont u give me some classes then?

wat does osuzhdai mean? im sorry, my russian is not that great. if it means to judge, then no, we have no right to judge others. its up to Hashem to do that. but that doesnt mean a person shouldnt be careful with what they do just becuase no one else is allowed to judge them. it makes a chilul Hashem (desecration of Hashem's name). it gets ppl turned off from Judaism.

i would gladly teach u :)

I yet have not seen a mix wedding where the rabbi stayed. On religious ones I have seen.

i did! but in this case its an exeption because the rabbi was the uncle of the bride

I absolutely love traditional bukharian weddings!
The passing along of the 'joma,' the familiar faces, the music, the excitement in the air, the romantic slowdance of the bride and groom,...the unity of it all....
I'm definitely rooting for the traditional wedding...

im definately with u!

wat does osuzhdai mean? im sorry, my russian is not that great. if it means to judge, then no, we have no right to judge others. its up to Hashem to do that. but that doesnt mean a person shouldnt be careful with what they do just becuase no one else is allowed to judge them. it makes a chilul Hashem (desecration of Hashem's name). it gets ppl turned off from Judaism.

i would gladly teach u :)

Ok, when will we start personal classes?

Ok, when will we start personal classes?
she's always ready ready to give e-lessons... :innoc08:

she's always ready ready to give e-lessons... :innoc08:

kakie e-lessons....I want personal one-on-one classes...preferably somewhere in the bedrooms with lights off!!!!! ;)

kakie e-lessons....I want personal one-on-one classes...preferably somewhere in the bedrooms with lights off!!!!! ;)
lol, guud luck getting that far! :innoc04:

lol, guud luck getting that far! :innoc04:

Actually the bedroom is not very far, and it's very easy to turn the lights off!!!! ;) :tongue10:

we dont need the details lol...wat u do at ur private time is non of our business
:P

kakie e-lessons....I want personal one-on-one classes...preferably somewhere in the bedrooms with lights off!!!!! ;)
In your case i see its too late for lessons, YOU NEED TO GET MARRIED! :tongue10:

kakie e-lessons....I want personal one-on-one classes...preferably somewhere in the bedrooms with lights off!!!!! ;)

ibi.... :sign69:

In your case i see its too late for lessons, YOU NEED TO GET MARRIED! :tongue10:

Чо я такого сказал? уже меня все к жене выгоняют!!!!! ;)

Moe mnenie po etomu povodu as follows:
Svad'bu delayut ne stol'ko dlya zheniha i nevesti, skol'ko dlya gostei. Therefore, vse dolzhno zaviset' ot kontingenta pozdravlyayushih; to est', k kakoi fraktsii evreiskogo obraza zhizni oni priderzhivayutsa, i dlya kakogo protsenta gostei dopustimo tantsevat' vmeste a dlya kokogo otdel'no.
Esli bol'shinstvo gostei bolee religioznie i hoteli bi imet' fun razdelno, to tak dolzhno i bit'. Esli bolshinstvo gostei smotryat na zhizn' po-svetski, to svad'ba mozhet prazdnovatsa vmeste.
Vse o chem ya napisal vishe dolzhno uchitivatsa nesmotrya na skolko religiozni ili naskolko sovremeni roditeli zheniha i nevesti.
Shalom

Actually the bedroom is not very far, and it's very easy to turn the lights off!!!! ;) :tongue10:
lol, mechtatz ne vredno birthday boy...