We all know that we Bukharians embody a certain aire when it comes to culture. More specifically, marriages reflect some colors of our culrure.
We are distinct and intrinsic. So please, answer this...

What makes a Bukharian marriage different from an American marriage?

The main difference is that in buharian culture when one marries, he marries not just a girl but her whole family, which always makes it its business to interfere with the newly-created family's affairs.

The main difference is that in buharian culture when one marries, he marries not just a girl but her whole family, which always makes it its business to interfere with the newly-created family's affairs.
it applies to both. Especially in those cases where newlyweds end up living with his family. So this really is her marrying not only him, but his whole family.

We all know that we Bukharians embody a certain aire when it comes to culture. More specifically, marriages reflect some colors of our culrure.
We are distinct and intrinsic. So please, answer this...

What makes a Bukharian marriage different from an American marriage?

I don't have the exact statistics but the difference is that in bukharian marriages there's less divorce rate. Thank G-d

It's not true. Because higher percentage of buharians get married, the divorce rate, especially among the young, is higher. Some time ago there was an article about this in NYT.

it applies to both. Especially in those cases where newlyweds end up living with his family. So this really is her marrying not only him, but his whole family.

That's why it doesn't make any sense to get married early if parents continue to tell you how to live. Better get married later when you no longer depend financially on your parents.

It's not true. Because higher percentage of buharians get married, the divorce rate, especially among the young, is higher. Some time ago there was an article about this in NYT.

excuse me, but in the previous generation there were more people who lived with their inlaws, but for some reason the divorce rate was lower than in is now. I believe your cause and effect factors are not valid. There are other reasons for higher divorce rate than what you have specified.

That's why it doesn't make any sense to get married early if parents continue to tell you how to live. Better get married later when you no longer depend financially on your parents.

One does not have to be young for parents to tell you how to live your life. Parents can continue to tell you how to live your life even when you will have your own grand children. The trick, for the person who is told what to do, is to realize what is going on in his/her life, use one's own brain, and take full responsibility and action of his/her own life. And not depend on every word of advice, due to lack of "life experience".

excuse me, but in the previous generation there were more people who lived with their inlaws, but for some reason the divorce rate was lower than in is now. I believe your cause and effect factors are not valid. There are other reasons for higher divorce rate than what you have specified.
The previous generations didn't have the freedoms the modern one has. And as a result of that, some of them did some bad things behind the scenes like having unofficial second families and lovers :mad54: . But you'll never hear them tell you that. Anyways, we were comparing divorce rates of buharians vs. americans.


One does not have to be young for parents to tell you how to live your life. Parents can continue to tell you how to live your life even when you will have your own grand children. The trick, for the person who is told what to do, is to realize what is going on in his/her life, use one's own brain, and take full responsibility and action of his/her own life. And not depend on every word of advice, due to lack of "life experience"
Yeah, in theory that's how it should be :tongue21: . In real life, you get into conflicts if you don't listen to the "expert advice of elders". :sign63:

We all know that we Bukharians embody a certain aire when it comes to culture. More specifically, marriages reflect some colors of our culrure.
We are distinct and intrinsic. So please, answer this...

What makes a Bukharian marriage different from an American marriage?

When you are in a Bukharian marriage, you are stuck there for life!!! No way out!!!! :evilgr39: Also in Bukharian marriage you get a surprise. You get your gift after the marriage vs. in American marriage you get that gift before. So if you don't like the gift, NO WAY TO RETURN IT!!!!

When you are in a Bukharian marriage, you are stuck there for life!!! No way out!!!! :evilgr39: Also in Bukharian marriage you get a surprise. You get your gift after the marriage vs. in American marriage you get that gift before. So if you don't like the gift, NO WAY TO RETURN IT!!!!

Once they are married, a buharian marriage is like any other. There is no such thing as no way out.

There is a possibility for a surprise in any marriage, not only in Bukharian one.
lol a uzh esle tak sil'no interesuet chto za padarok, to pust' poprosit chto bi pakazali. looooooooool.

We all know that we Bukharians embody a certain aire when it comes to culture. More specifically, marriages reflect some colors of our culrure.
We are distinct and intrinsic. So please, answer this...

What makes a Bukharian marriage different from an American marriage?

I think that Bukharian Jews go into marriage with the mentality to stay married. Thus the carefullness in choosing. Not that any other jewish group doesn't do it -- I think there are some other groups with that mentality, but usually those are way more religious than the rest in their observance.

When you are in a Bukharian marriage, you are stuck there for life!!! No way out!!!! :evilgr39: Also in Bukharian marriage you get a surprise. You get your gift after the marriage vs. in American marriage you get that gift before. So if you don't like the gift, NO WAY TO RETURN IT!!!!

Yesli podarok deystvitel'no ne nravit'sya -- yeyo mozhno vernut'. :)
But usually the surprise is to the upside. :)

I think that Bukharian Jews go into marriage with the mentality to stay married. Thus the carefullness in choosing. Not that any other jewish group doesn't do it -- I think there are some other groups with that mentality, but usually those are way more religious than the rest in their observance.

do you really think so?

When i asked an older "wiser" person this question. I said, "Considering that one cannot have sex before marriage and considering that sex is an important aspect of a relationship, what does one have to do if one is not sexually satisfied in the relationship? And nothing can be done to fix it?" What do you think was the answer? The answer was, "You will divorce" Is that taking marriage seriously? I mean we can't really blame that person for their answer, because that seems like the only option.

And look at the people who are not considred to take marriage seriously. They do not marry a person unless they date them for few years, sleep with them, and even live with them in order to get to know the person BEFORE they will make THE NEXT step which is Marriage.

So, how is it that you are going to tell me that we take marriage seriously? I think what we do take seriously is that a girl must be virgin before marriage, unfortunately, no matter at what cost.

And look at the people who are not considred to take marriage seriously. They do not marry a person unless they date them for few years, sleep with them, and even live with them in order to get to know the person BEFORE they will make THE NEXT step which is Marriage.

So, how is it that you are going to tell me that we take marriage seriously? I think what we do take seriously is that a girl must be virgin before marriage, unfortunately, no matter at what cost.

I'd have to agree. Unfortunately I think there is a pressure in the bukharian community for people to get married (men and women). Yes, there is this initial search, and scrutany as to who is right and wrong, but at the end of the day it all comes to the fact that you have to get married, no matter who. I don't believe this is taking marriage very seriously.

The question is...why are there such pressures?

do you really think so?

When i asked an older "wiser" person this question. I said, "Considering that one cannot have sex before marriage and considering that sex is an important aspect of a relationship, what does one have to do if one is not sexually satisfied in the relationship? And nothing can be done to fix it?" What do you think was the answer? The answer was, "You will divorce" Is that taking marriage seriously? I mean we can't really blame that person for their answer, because that seems like the only option.

And look at the people who are not considred to take marriage seriously. They do not marry a person unless they date them for few years, sleep with them, and even live with them in order to get to know the person BEFORE they will make THE NEXT step which is Marriage.

So, how is it that you are going to tell me that we take marriage seriously? I think what we do take seriously is that a girl must be virgin before marriage, unfortunately, no matter at what cost.

I said nothing about seriousness. I said the mindset, in my view, is to marry and to stay married. That doesn't mean there's no way out if there's a serious issue that is perceived to be hard or impossible to solve.

Just the fact that the "older", "wiser" person said "You'll divorce" doesn't automatically mean that that person's first choice was that. It could be that the person had not considered the issue altogether or that the person tried to reduce the stress of considering a marriage -- showing that there's a way out.

The people you mention as having long intimate relationships before marriage do not necessarily end up in happy marriages -- just look at the divorce rate there. It's much higher than in Jewish families (even w/o taking into account religious families where the rate is even smaller).

[QUOTE=Tssipa]excuse me, but in the previous generation there were more people who lived with their inlaws, but for some reason the divorce rate was lower than in is now. [QUOTE]

then the divorce rate was lower not because couples were happier in their marrige, but because divorce placed a certain stigma on you and was almost unheard of and discouraged. In those days you were considered an outcast if you were divorced (especially women). Therefore, people learned to close their eyes on differences and worked it out even if it brought total misery. Today, on the other hand divorce became an almost "in" thing to do. It's acceptable. That does not mean all divorces can be prevented, sometimes divorce is the only best option. But, because today it's so acceptable, any insegnificant argument/difference/misunderstanding can lead up to a divoorce.

do you really think so?

When i asked an older "wiser" person this question. I said, "Considering that one cannot have sex before marriage and considering that sex is an important aspect of a relationship, what does one have to do if one is not sexually satisfied in the relationship? And nothing can be done to fix it?" What do you think was the answer? The answer was, "You will divorce" Is that taking marriage seriously? I mean we can't really blame that person for their answer, because that seems like the only option.

And look at the people who are not considred to take marriage seriously. They do not marry a person unless they date them for few years, sleep with them, and even live with them in order to get to know the person BEFORE they will make THE NEXT step which is Marriage.

So, how is it that you are going to tell me that we take marriage seriously? I think what we do take seriously is that a girl must be virgin before marriage, unfortunately, no matter at what cost.


Well Said :happy65: