JamesBond007
05-30-2006, 02:45 PM
I got this in an email this morning and have to agree with everything that this person wrote.
Subject: today’s buharian women...
I am disgusted and upset with the state of bukharian women today. Tight knit cultures such as ours, are the last hope for not being sucked into a horrible statistic, that is, of 1 out of 2 marriages ending in divorce. I think, however, that it's a bit too late, as we can all attest to the "get-fest" that bukharian modern marriage has become in society today.
I realized, that no matter how much yeshiva time, or how many hatan and kallah (bride and groom) classes they take (and I have known quite a few who have taken them), or how many jewelry or money is put on these girls; If they have no respect, no derech eretz, it all means nothing. They're still the same person, with the same psychological deficiencies, with the same problems. And your marriage will fail. It's ironic, that the "quality" of men has been steadily improving, in the eyes of our society, while the quality of the women have been steadily decreasing. You always hear the saying that "they don't make women like our mothers anymore," but no one ever says, "they don't make guys like our fathers anymore." Guys are less violent today, and more willing than ever to help women out with their lives, etc. But women? They're getting worse and worse! Their greed and money-hungriness have reached never before seen levels. What people don't understand is that the foundation of our Jewish life relies on the woman, not on the man. The Egyptians did not understand this, G-d did not give them the wisdom to realize that by killing off the women, that the Jewish nation (and its reproductive capabilities) would be stopped, but by killing off the men, even if a small amount remained, they would be able to impregnate many women and reproduce again.
Today, unfortunately, Satan has been working very hard on corrupting Jewish women. Forget even about the women who have no torah, who have children with goyim, and other such horrible events. Look even at the "religious" women, the women who pretend they know something about Torah. In my opinion, some of them are even worse than those who don't know anything about Torah, because they are being deceptive. They use Torah as a tool for self-justification of things not allowed, even bordering on apikorsut. I have even seen women use their "yeshiva schooling" against men who were less educated in religion, that "you don't know anything about G-d" and other such stupid, insane and sacreligious remarks.
Look at the egos on these women today, egos the size of cathedrals. All convinced by their well-meaning (yeah, right) and greedy mothers that money is the most important thing, that they should always fight on every little detail. And in how many couples do you see the parents getting involved and destroying what little hope there is of a relationship? Not to mention that most women have this irrational clinging to their family, and they will even forsake their husband to side with their family. It wasn't for nothing, apparently, that King Shlomo said that "I have found woman bitterer than death," and that a righteous woman is a true hard find. "And I discovered more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are chains. One who is pleasing to God will escape from her, but the sinner will be captured by her." (Ecclesiastes 7:26). "I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all." (Ecclesiastes 7:28 )
Honestly, I think the bukharian mentality of marrying the first person you can, and so early, is true stupidity at its finest. You just can't take that chance today. It worked before, because everyone knew the reputations (more or less) of certain families, and there was too much stigma for women to rebel against their traditions. Today, ironically, some of the "best" families have the worst girls. Girls who think that the world (and most prominently, their husbands) owe them everything. Girls who think they deserve money, love, respect, clothing, cars, and everything else. Another aspect which "ruins" buharian women in today’s society is the whole idea of matchmakers; women and men who give out girls' phone numbers to men who are interested in getting married and look for a suitable match. These women give out girls numbers to several guys at the same time--thus spoiling these girls because they don't know with whom go out and talk--thus creating a false impression that after the first date she doesn’t have to make a decision or take it seriously since there are plenty of other guys calling her and she thinks that there will always be better coming. And how do most of these matchmakers get the girls' numbers? From going to after wedding shabbat "parties" in restaurants in Queens and asking their moms there if they have daughters and writing down the numbers-- thus a violation of shabbat--and the whole mazal is gone since the number was obtained through non kosher ways.
Derech Eretz Kadma L'Torah. I've realized that I would rather get a woman who is completely devoid of Torah, but who has good values, and a good personality, than get someone who has learned 15 years of Torah, but who has no regard for it. At least with someone who has a good personality, you can expect pleasant relations ahead. Even Hashem allows his name to be erased to keep peace. With an inflated and egotistical person, there is no peace. There is an old midrash that states something to the effect of, "the more humble a woman makes herself, the greater she will be in her husband's eyes," and vice versa. Today, such teachings are DEAD. Our grandchildren will need MIRACLES to stay married more than half a year… MIRACLES I tell you…
P.S. – This does not mean I think all women are bad. Obviously, there are verses Kohelet which extol women. However, I think that today, unfortunately, we see much more "bitter" women than sweet ones. Maybe my viewpoint is incorrect. However, I have seen many marriages destroyed, many children left without a family home. Many Rabbis have a nifty habit of always blaming the man, but I'm sorry, I cannot subscribe to such biased views. If anything, I have seen women cause more trouble than men (this is with men who are normal and don't beat or hurt their wives). Women have many laws protecting them today from physical harm or hurt from their husbands, but how many husbands have laws protecting them from the verbal abuse that their wives dish out to them DAILY? I can hear the women going "oh, he's such a wuss." Call me a wuss, but in G-d's court, embarrassing someone is akin to KILLING HIM. So continue murdering your husbands and boyfriends, don't stop on my account. One of the thirteen principles of belief in G-d suggest that you must believe that G-d will reward good and punish bad. Simply put, there is no room in a marriage for a woman with an ego.
P.P.S. – If this post has offended or angered anyone, GOOD.
The only girl who deserves respect is the one who doesn't demand it.
The only girl who should be showered with gifts is the one who doesn't expect them.
The only girl who should be loved is the one who thinks she doesn't deserve it.
Subject: today’s buharian women...
I am disgusted and upset with the state of bukharian women today. Tight knit cultures such as ours, are the last hope for not being sucked into a horrible statistic, that is, of 1 out of 2 marriages ending in divorce. I think, however, that it's a bit too late, as we can all attest to the "get-fest" that bukharian modern marriage has become in society today.
I realized, that no matter how much yeshiva time, or how many hatan and kallah (bride and groom) classes they take (and I have known quite a few who have taken them), or how many jewelry or money is put on these girls; If they have no respect, no derech eretz, it all means nothing. They're still the same person, with the same psychological deficiencies, with the same problems. And your marriage will fail. It's ironic, that the "quality" of men has been steadily improving, in the eyes of our society, while the quality of the women have been steadily decreasing. You always hear the saying that "they don't make women like our mothers anymore," but no one ever says, "they don't make guys like our fathers anymore." Guys are less violent today, and more willing than ever to help women out with their lives, etc. But women? They're getting worse and worse! Their greed and money-hungriness have reached never before seen levels. What people don't understand is that the foundation of our Jewish life relies on the woman, not on the man. The Egyptians did not understand this, G-d did not give them the wisdom to realize that by killing off the women, that the Jewish nation (and its reproductive capabilities) would be stopped, but by killing off the men, even if a small amount remained, they would be able to impregnate many women and reproduce again.
Today, unfortunately, Satan has been working very hard on corrupting Jewish women. Forget even about the women who have no torah, who have children with goyim, and other such horrible events. Look even at the "religious" women, the women who pretend they know something about Torah. In my opinion, some of them are even worse than those who don't know anything about Torah, because they are being deceptive. They use Torah as a tool for self-justification of things not allowed, even bordering on apikorsut. I have even seen women use their "yeshiva schooling" against men who were less educated in religion, that "you don't know anything about G-d" and other such stupid, insane and sacreligious remarks.
Look at the egos on these women today, egos the size of cathedrals. All convinced by their well-meaning (yeah, right) and greedy mothers that money is the most important thing, that they should always fight on every little detail. And in how many couples do you see the parents getting involved and destroying what little hope there is of a relationship? Not to mention that most women have this irrational clinging to their family, and they will even forsake their husband to side with their family. It wasn't for nothing, apparently, that King Shlomo said that "I have found woman bitterer than death," and that a righteous woman is a true hard find. "And I discovered more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are chains. One who is pleasing to God will escape from her, but the sinner will be captured by her." (Ecclesiastes 7:26). "I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all." (Ecclesiastes 7:28 )
Honestly, I think the bukharian mentality of marrying the first person you can, and so early, is true stupidity at its finest. You just can't take that chance today. It worked before, because everyone knew the reputations (more or less) of certain families, and there was too much stigma for women to rebel against their traditions. Today, ironically, some of the "best" families have the worst girls. Girls who think that the world (and most prominently, their husbands) owe them everything. Girls who think they deserve money, love, respect, clothing, cars, and everything else. Another aspect which "ruins" buharian women in today’s society is the whole idea of matchmakers; women and men who give out girls' phone numbers to men who are interested in getting married and look for a suitable match. These women give out girls numbers to several guys at the same time--thus spoiling these girls because they don't know with whom go out and talk--thus creating a false impression that after the first date she doesn’t have to make a decision or take it seriously since there are plenty of other guys calling her and she thinks that there will always be better coming. And how do most of these matchmakers get the girls' numbers? From going to after wedding shabbat "parties" in restaurants in Queens and asking their moms there if they have daughters and writing down the numbers-- thus a violation of shabbat--and the whole mazal is gone since the number was obtained through non kosher ways.
Derech Eretz Kadma L'Torah. I've realized that I would rather get a woman who is completely devoid of Torah, but who has good values, and a good personality, than get someone who has learned 15 years of Torah, but who has no regard for it. At least with someone who has a good personality, you can expect pleasant relations ahead. Even Hashem allows his name to be erased to keep peace. With an inflated and egotistical person, there is no peace. There is an old midrash that states something to the effect of, "the more humble a woman makes herself, the greater she will be in her husband's eyes," and vice versa. Today, such teachings are DEAD. Our grandchildren will need MIRACLES to stay married more than half a year… MIRACLES I tell you…
P.S. – This does not mean I think all women are bad. Obviously, there are verses Kohelet which extol women. However, I think that today, unfortunately, we see much more "bitter" women than sweet ones. Maybe my viewpoint is incorrect. However, I have seen many marriages destroyed, many children left without a family home. Many Rabbis have a nifty habit of always blaming the man, but I'm sorry, I cannot subscribe to such biased views. If anything, I have seen women cause more trouble than men (this is with men who are normal and don't beat or hurt their wives). Women have many laws protecting them today from physical harm or hurt from their husbands, but how many husbands have laws protecting them from the verbal abuse that their wives dish out to them DAILY? I can hear the women going "oh, he's such a wuss." Call me a wuss, but in G-d's court, embarrassing someone is akin to KILLING HIM. So continue murdering your husbands and boyfriends, don't stop on my account. One of the thirteen principles of belief in G-d suggest that you must believe that G-d will reward good and punish bad. Simply put, there is no room in a marriage for a woman with an ego.
P.P.S. – If this post has offended or angered anyone, GOOD.
The only girl who deserves respect is the one who doesn't demand it.
The only girl who should be showered with gifts is the one who doesn't expect them.
The only girl who should be loved is the one who thinks she doesn't deserve it.