Guys,
Imagine this situation: you see husband/wife of your very close friend in an loving embrace of another. Would you tell your friend about it? Or would you keep quite and let him/her find out on your own?

Guys,
Imagine this situation: you see husband/wife of your very close friend in an loving embrace of another. Would you tell your friend about it? Or would you keep quite and let him/her find out on your own?

This is a very hard question. The issue here is that most people know what the right thing to do is (to tell your friend), but at the same time you don't want to hurt him/her and his/her family.

First, I think you need to figure out whether the person you saw is really who you think he/she is and be sure of that.

You can probably argue both ways, but I would tell my friend. I'd do it in such a way that would not cause permanent damage. I do believe that if this is really what's going on, it's better to tell sooner rather than later. The later he/she finds out, the harder it will be.

This is a very hard question. The issue here is that most people know what the right thing to do is (to tell your friend), but at the same time you don't want to hurt him/her and his/her family.

First, I think you need to figure out whether the person you saw is really who you think he/she is and be sure of that.

You can probably argue both ways, but I would tell my friend. I'd do it in such a way that would not cause permanent damage. I do believe that if this is really what's going on, it's better to tell sooner rather than later. The later he/she finds out, the harder it will be.

Do u realize that an issue here is not only an emotional trauma that could be caused by telling. A more important thing is to see that the telling/not telling is governed by the halakhic law of lashon hara. The talk that you might be bringing will be destroying the reputation of your friend's spouse, will be potentially a cause of a family fight, and could give you the reputation of a tale-bearer.

I would not meddle in the affairs of a family, even if it is a family of the closest of friends. I would come up, though, to the friend's spouse that I have noted misbehaving. There is a potential for a reward...

Шантаж...ух...уникальная веш :iprayu: :fight13:

I believe that infidelity is a great sin, especially if a couple are promised to one another
through the notion of marriage. I would probably tell my best friend, not directly at first, to see if it would hurt her/him so much. Maybe they saw it coming.

I believe that infidelity is a great sin, especially if a couple are promised to one another
through the notion of marriage. I would probably tell my best friend, not directly at first, to see if it would hurt her/him so much. Maybe they saw it coming.

Nowhere in the torah does it says that "infidelity is a great sin." The concept is conceived by the feminists. What is says there, as a commandment, "you shall not commit adultery". This concept is very different from a simple infidelity. Below is a brief description of the two:

Adultery (applies to men): having sexual relations with a married woman. A woman that has a ktubba and one that still didn’t get a "gett" is not permissible.

Infidelity: Since, a man in the biblical times was allowed to have more than one wife, and since in accordance with kiddushin tractate one of the ways a man marries is by cohabitation, sexual relationship with a virgin girl is NOT considered as an adultery. It is merely an immorality according to the judgment of the angry feminists. :mad25:

I hope this never happens to any Jews but if it does it's a debatable issue. I suggest consulting a rabbi. If it is the wife who embraces another man publically then one may suspect that she is also carrying on an affair with that man, in which case she is no longer allowed to be with either her husband or the man she is/was having an affair with.
If it is the husband who is behaving this way then he just has no decency...but, I think most rabbis will argue that the marriage should not be terminated because of this cause.
I know that it is uncomfortable for friends to tell their friends of these things because they don't want to hurt them. However, if they think they are shielding their friends from pain then I don't think they are right. If their spouses do not have enough respect for them and publically show signs of effection or physical display then sooner or later this disrespect will come out within that family without outside interference.

Infidelity: Since, a man in the biblical times was allowed to have more than one wife, and since in accordance with kiddushin tractate one of the ways a man marries is by cohabitation, sexual relationship with a virgin girl is NOT considered as an adultery. It is merely an immorality according to the judgment of the angry feminists. :mad25:

Mozhet ti minya ne pralna ponil. I meant engaging adulry is a sin TO ME.
On your last comment,if it is not adultry if a married man has sexual relations with a virgin, what is it called then, an affair?

On your last comment,if it is not adultry if a married man has sexual relations with a virgin, what is it called then, an affair?

Devirginization!!!! (does this word even exist?) I think in one of the threads earlier I even read that there is a tribe somewhere (I don't remember where), where men go and devirginize virgin girls before these girls get married as a proffession. So it must not be too bad then, and is definately not a sin. ;)

On a more serious note, I can see how moraly, this would be improper.

It looks like Olorin is either very misinformed about Jewish law, or is simply pretending he is.. But in either case, this is the deal as far as Lashon Hora:

In cases such as this, where a commandment is being violated and you witness this, it is a Jews responsibility to take action, especially if it involves a fellow Jewish close friend.

This brings me to the next point about "infidelity not being a sin". However you want to name it, Adultery IS a sin. Hence the commandment "Thou shalt not commit Adultery".
Regarding the virgin status in ths case, who is to prove who REALLY is or was a virgin or not? This is a technicality that was further elaborated on by some Sage... Lets keep is simple buddy.

A Posek (Rabbinical Judge) told me this once, when he encountered a similar situation: A religious and very righteous young man approached him asking for what is right in a dillema he was in. He witnessed the future possible fiance of his good friend making out with a hispanic male twice in 2 different places. He asked the Posek if this would be lashon hora by him telling his freind. He said in this case it is permitted, because you are not bearing false witness and preventing your friend from making a mistake in marriage.

Seeing someone being embraced in anothers arms doesn't necessarily mean that Adultery is being committed, however that is usually assumed. Assumptions & false conclusions are what must be avoided by witnesses to such things. Telling the truth is permitted.

Infidelity:
a)Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner
b)An act of sexual unfaithfulness.

Adultery:
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.


http://dictionary.reference.com/

Note that there's a difference between a fiance status and a spouse status. In a fiance status, the couple is yet to become married. In spouse status, the couple is already married. The comparison equating the two assumes that same laws apply identically, whereas situations are different and same laws may not necessarily apply identically, unless it can be shown that they [the laws] should be applied identically in the distinct situations.

Note further that Lashon Hara IS about telling the truth. Since it [Lashon Hara] is forbidden, it can be inferred that telling the truth may not necessarily be prefered course of action; though, outright lying should, of course, be avoided.

Guys,
Imagine this situation: you see husband/wife of your very close friend in an loving embrace of another. Would you tell your friend about it? Or would you keep quite and let him/her find out on your own?

TheGreatOne - note that in the original scenario given, the couple in question is MARRIED. Therefore, even a close embrace though not being an obvious act of adultery is not proper nor decent behaviour for a married jewish individual to be engaged in with another. Such improper behaviour may and most often precedes adulterous activity.

In conclusion, in order to PROTECT & GUARD AGAINST THE VIOLATION OF A COMMANDMENT, it is allowed to bear witness in a situation such as the one quoted above...

I did not ask for an answer from Torah and what is the right thing to do by Torah. What I did ask is your personal opinion about this matter. What does your conscious tells you to do in the situation?

Executive, note that in defense of disclosing the information you've sited an example of a ruling for an unmarried couple, which is very different.

TheGreatOne - note that in the original scenario given, the couple in question is MARRIED. Therefore, even a close embrace though not being an obvious act of adultery is not proper nor decent behaviour for a married jewish individual to be engaged in with another. Such improper behaviour may and most often precedes adulterous activity.

In conclusion, in order to PROTECT & GUARD AGAINST THE VIOLATION OF A COMMANDMENT, it is allowed to bear witness in a situation such as the one quoted above...

ALWAYS TELL - as a good friend you must - it's an obligation